5 Things I've Learned About Myself During Quarantine
It has been a long 10 weeks, and then again, it seems like time has flown by. It feels like so long ago that we were all scared to leave our homes and now the park in my neighborhood is busy with people enjoying the spring sunshine. I am still a bit paranoid and being very careful. I continue to wash my hands constantly and always wear a mask in public when I can’t socially distance, but I must admit I am certainly more relaxed about all of this. I got tested for the anti-bodies last week which came back negative, so it’s clear that my efforts have paid off. It’s weird to think that only 6 weeks ago I wouldn’t leave my house for fear of this virus, and ambulance were racing down my street on a regular basis. Now, the navy ship hospital has departed from New York, the Central Park field hospital has been taken down and everything seems to be under control (let’s hope so anyway). I have taken a few bike rides around the city. Bars are serving to-go beverages, and it seems we have inadvertently become an open container city with people sipping cocktails while strolling down the street. I’m not going to lie, it feels more and more like Europe which I love. And now for the aftermath. The economic devastation that has been caused is irreversible at this point. I am hearing of more and more hotels closing and laying people off. Many restaurants will not reopen and people are hurting in so many ways, all while living with the fear that as the country opens up we may be hit by another spike in COVID-19 cases.
I was thinking to myself the other day all of the things I have learned during this time. Mostly about gratitude for all the I have and for the health and well being of myself and my friends and family, but I am also learning valuable life lessons I will carry with me into post Coronavirus life. Here are a few.
#1 I actually can learn to live in the moment.
For years I have struggled, like so many people, with general anxiety about my life. It’s been constant contemplation about what to do and where to go. What paths to take and choices to make. Over the years i’ve asked myself constantly, what do I want out of life? Am I happy? Am I fulfilled? Will I have enough money? Over the past 10 years, I have tried so hard to live in the moment, but to be honest; it’s never been easy. I see myself taking baby steps though, and this pandemic has taught me that I finally have learned I CAN live in the moment. I don’t think about 6 months down the road anymore because I have absolutely no clue where I will be. My hotel opening has been pushed back another 2 months and to be honest it should all be very anxiety ridden (and sometimes it is) but surprisingly I’ve learned to just get up every morning and carryon with my day. Let’s be honest, I really have no choice. It’s been liberating to realize that even with uncertainty I can learn to just be.
#2 Opportunities will not always be here for me in New York City.
I have always had the mindset that I can make it in New York City because I now have almost 16 years behind me and an entire network of colleagues and friends spanning multiple industries. It has been easy enough for me to find other opportunities if needed, unlike other cities which seem might be difficult. For the first time; New York is actually behind the rest of the country. No matter if our Governor says we are open tomorrow, we have no business. Broadway can’t open because there is no way to socially distance the actors, orchestra and crew, and producers can’t afford to run a show with 30% of the audience. I doubt tourists are getting on a plane anytime soon to visit the epicenter of America’s Covid-19 breakout. Corporate travel seems to be halted until 2021 for many companies, and I don’t even need to talk about events, since it’s clear no one will be attending a major convention or social event anytime soon, especially in New York City. With all these hurdles, our lifeline which consists of; nightlife, theater, and hospitality, is essentially dead for now. I am realizing for the first time, it doesn’t matter how many connections I have in this city, there simply are no jobs to be had now, or anytime in the near future. It will be an interesting and challenging road ahead.
#3 I have so many skills.
I am going to brag here for a moment. I am seriously impressed with myself. I know that my parents taught me modesty and I should live by that every day, but I have accomplished so much in the last 10 weeks. I obtained a certificate in Hospitality and Global Management from Florida Atlantic University, knit 4 baby sweaters (and I am now working on a blanket), learned 4 songs on the guitar (10 weeks ago I didn’t even really play the guitar) got my cello chops back up to a decent level, started the beginnings of a small side business writing advertisement copy for clients, taken multiple online courses including Search Engine Optimization and Digital Marketing, have continuously worked on my own personal growth & development through journaling, meditation and webinars (thank you True Fit by Alethia) and have managed to even spend a ton of time chatting on text message with friends and family. Did I mention my bartending skills have also come in really handy as I sip on a strawberry mojito while writing this? I really have so much to be proud of, and grateful for when it comes to my own aptitude and skills, and that is a fantastic feeling!
#4 Sometimes I still feel uncertain and sad, and that is OK.
With that being said (re: #3), occasionally over the past 10 weeks I have felt sad, very sad actually. I have felt restless, anxious and even a bit depressed. It’s hard being 39 and already feeling like my life is not moving forward as planned. Now, add a massive global pandemic to the mix and the realization that life will not return to normal anytime soon. That can definitely create a bit of blue feelings. Sometimes I feel guilty when I get sad or angry over all of this. I think to myself, I have so much and others have so little. I quietly scold myself saying I have nothing to be upset about, and then I stop and realize, actually this is difficult for everyone just in different ways and at different times and it is OK to feel lost, hopeless and sad. This too is part of the emotional process and it’s important to feel and let myself go through it so I can then feel better.
#5 I don’t need a big city as long as I have my people, my music and a nice home.
I am surprised how much I have loved being at home. To be honest, I haven’t missed the city that much at all. I know that sounds terrible, especially from a self proclaimed New Yorker who LOVES New York. The other day when I was biking up 1st avenue I was reminded of the vibrancy that is Manhattan, and of the good old days when I used to get margaritas at Blockheads with friends on a warm summer day after auditions, or drinks at The Rum House after a long bartending shift at Blue Fin. Riding through the city brought back so many wonderful memories. Three months from now, so much will change. New restaurants and bars will open in place of those that could not afford to stay. New shops, and new Broadway shows. People that can’t afford to reopen wont, and others with cash waiting for the right time will seize the tremendous opportunities about to present themselves. This is life. This is how the world works. The city definitely wont die, it will just be different. The city I moved to 16 years ago and remember fondly has already changed so much, and is now so far away and so long ago. What I have realized, is that I don’t need all of that anymore. My home has been my everything. Home cooked meals, a nice bottle of wine, great music, and a cocktail on my patio in the sun while chatting with friends. I’m starting to discover that I don’t need the hustle and bustle of the city anymore. I need a job of course, but after that, I just need a nice home, a good meal, great company, my music and a few awesome series’ on Netflix and I’m happy. It took a Global Pandemic forcing me inside to realize that.
This has all been quite the experience to say the least. There have been so many different elements that have created what is the most difficult time in many people’s lives. Throughout all of this though, just like with any difficult time, I really try to think about all the things I have learned about myself from the experience. Things that I can use to my benefit once I am able to eventually move my life forward again. So many lessons, self-reflections and inner voices are teaching us so many things during this time. I try to be grateful for everything in life, no matter how difficult and challenging, because during the difficult times is when we grow. Over the past 10 weeks, I can honestly say I have grown tremendously.
“When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. When life is bitter, say thank you and grow. ”
Photo Credit - Veronica Gomez Ibarra @verushka