My Love Letter to New York City

The last 18 months have not been easy for so many of us. For myself, I made the decision to finally leave New York. I officially became a Greek citizen recently and suddenly found opportunities open for me abroad. With the tough job market, and that I’ve been itching for a change for a while now, I decided to take a leap of faith, pack up my things and leave. It was scary. New York has been my home and my life for a long time, and we have been through a lot together. It is the city where all my dreams became reality, the city that raised me into an adult, and the city that broke me down and built me up, time and time again. There is nowhere I will feel I belong more than New York City, and making the choice to leave was difficult and painful. So much of who I am and what I have learned I owe to New York. I don’t know if this is goodbye forever, but for now, I am writing this post across the world where I am starting over. Before I put NYC behind me and focus on what lies ahead in Europe, I wanted to write my love story to one of the greatest cities in the world. This is the letter I wrote the day I left.

Dear New York,
Anyone who has moved to your shores with a dream can understand how you get under our skin and permeate every fiber of our being. The rest of the country (and sometimes the world) calls us crazy, unable to understand how we can live in “that city” with all its chaos and noise. But for us New Yorkers, we call your chaos “energy”, and it’s this energy that drives us, that has always driven us and what pulled us to you in the first place. Anyone who has ever moved to you and has built a life of so many hopes and dreams, to then say goodbye, knows also the heartache of leaving. After nearly 17 years, I said goodbye to you today, and it was one of the most painful emotions I have ever felt in my life. You see, there is something non-New Yorkers don’t understand; when you say goodbye to New York, you are not just saying goodbye to a city, but also to a youth full of epic “New York moments” that have passed and will never be again. I know over time I started to take you for granted, just like I did the stunning mountains of Alaska when I left there. Your bright lights on Broadway became just a passing blur on my way to work. The Empire State building and your entire skyline became simply a view that I saw every day. But when I saw you from the back seat of my Uber on my way to JFK, the magnitude of what I was leaving finally caught up with me and almost two decades of dreams and memories in one of the greatest cities in the world washed an overwhelming feeling over me which has only passed as my plane continues across the Atlantic. I don’t expect everyone to understand, but I know many will, especially those who have had the tremendous fortune of calling you their “home”.

I didn’t leave just a city, I left a place that shaped me into the woman I am today, the woman who knows she can make it anywhere, because she made it first in New York. Two careers, dozens of friendships, and numerous relationships that toughened me up in ways I didn’t realize were possible. New York, you are where I spent most of my adult life, and where I knew since the age of 10 that I wanted to be. It was the only thing that has ever been so clear in my life. I could not have anticipated half of the joy (and heartbreak) you would bring to me over the years. Every corner that I walked in my final weeks, whether in Queens, Brooklyn or Manhattan held dozens of memories flooding back. This is what you do. Every part of you holds a story for so many people who have shuffled through your streets over the years. An amazing date, a heartbreak, a Broadway callback, a first day of work on Wall Street, a first apartment in Hells Kitchen, a memory of “where were you when…9/11 happened, Lehman Brothers went under, Hurricane Sandy hit, Cuomo shut down the city and Broadway went dark for 18 months. You are the scene for so many stories and movies because every block has something extraordinary to say about what you have seen. I have been through a lot over the years, and you’ve been a good friend to me. The kind of friend who let me cry on your shoulder for a brief moment before saying “I know that was tough, but it’s time to dry your tears now, and keep going.” You are the city that always reminded me how vulnerable and broken I could be, while at the same time how strong and resilient. You are a city of extremes, just like the people that draw towards you. You remind us every day what it means to be alive and that anything is possible; truly anything, but you also slap us across the face from time to time to remind us how much work we will have to put in to get there.

But New York, you are also the city that welcomes anyone and everyone with open arms (and a stiff upper lip). My dreams were born with you. I have had the joy to live them out, and as it often happens with even your most adoring fans, I have been feeling the need for a break for some time now. COVID-19 took a toll on us more than any other state in America can possibly understand. The city that never sleeps took a long rest and is only now waking up. It was something unlike anything you have ever experienced before, but just like you will never let us wallow for long, you will also pick yourself back up and take your place once again as the magnificent city you have always been. So, as I write this from 10,000 feet in the air, my plane halfway between America and Europe, I know that today was not goodbye, it was so long for now, and until we meet again to the city that I have grown to love more than anywhere else in the world. And with the twinkling lights of Manhattan behind me, I am flying towards Greece like I have done so many times before, but this time I will be moving forward with my life there not as a Greek-American, but as a Greek. I look forward to a new life. A new start in the country where my family’s story began so long ago. I’m not sure what lies ahead or what new challenges I will face. I’m not even sure if things will work out, but for now, it is the path I am taking. Thank you New York for everything you have given me. For every lesson, every bump and bruise, and for teaching me always how to get back up again. I love you. You are my heart, my soul and everything in between.

Photo Credit - Tania Fernandez @tania_fernandez